“Will I Be Alone Forever?” – Confronting the Fear of Loneliness After Divorce

One of the most common fears women express in the immediate aftermath of divorce is the fear of being alone forever. It’s a thought that can feel overwhelming and paralyzing.  It creeps in when you least expect it and catches you by surprise. 

The transition from being married to being divorced is full of deep emotions. One moment, you’re part of a partnership, and the next, you’re navigating a new identity as a single woman. If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night, gripped by the fear that you might be alone forever, know that you’re not alone in this feeling. It’s a common concern, and it’s okay to acknowledge it. 

But here’s the thing—it doesn’t have to be your reality.

While this fear is understandable, it doesn’t have to dictate your future. In this blog, we’re going to dive deep into this fear, unpack why it’s so prevalent, debunk the myths that fuel it, and explore how you can move from a place of fear to one of confidence and possibility.

Understanding the Fear: The fear of being alone after divorce is rooted in so many things - societal pressures, personal expectations, and the simple fact that life as you knew it has drastically changed. It’s completely normal to feel this way. Divorce isn’t just the end of a marriage; it’s the beginning of a journey where you’re rediscovering who you are outside of that relationship.

But this fear, if left unchecked, can creep into every aspect of your life. It can make you second-guess your decisions, dim your self-esteem, and even push you into relationships that aren’t right for you, just to avoid being alone. Recognizing this fear is the first step to conquering it.

The Myths About Being Alone

Let’s start by debunking a few myths that might be feeding your fear.

Myth 1: You’ll Never Find Love Again

This is perhaps the most common fear. The idea that love has a timeline or that it can only happen once in a lifetime is simply not true. Countless women find love later in life, whether it’s in their 50s, 60s, or beyond. Love isn’t a one-time opportunity. It’s something that can happen again when you’re ready—if that’s what you want. 

Myth 2: Being Alone Means Being Lonely

There’s a significant difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone is a state of being; lonely is a state of mind. You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, or you can be by yourself and feel completely content. Solitude can be a powerful, empowering space where you rediscover who you are and what truly makes you happy.

Myth 3: Society Looks Down on Single Women

Society has come a long way in how it views single women. The days of being pitied for being unmarried seem to be long gone - or at least fading fast! Today, women are celebrated for their independence, for choosing to prioritize their happiness, and for defining their lives on their own terms. Being single isn’t a failure - it’s an opportunity to live your life as fully and as freely as you want.

Embracing Your Authentic Self

Now that we’ve addressed some of those myths, let’s talk about you. Divorce is a chance to reconnect with your authentic self - the woman you might have lost sight of during your marriage. Who are you without the label of “wife”? What passions and dreams have you put on the back burner? This is your time to rediscover those things.

Self-love is a crucial part of this journey. It’s about learning to value yourself for who you are, not for the roles you play in other people’s lives. When you fill your life with things that bring you joy - whether it’s a new hobby, spending time with friends, or simply enjoying your own company - you begin to realize that being alone isn’t something to fear. It’s something to embrace.

Building Healthy Relationships

But let’s not forget the importance of relationships. Human connection is vital, but it doesn’t have to revolve around romance. Building strong friendships and a supportive network can provide the companionship and emotional support you need. 

If and when you’re ready to date again, take your time. There’s no rush. Focus on building healthy relationships that add to your life, rather than filling a void. And remember, companionship comes in many forms - it doesn’t have to be romantic to be meaningful.

Practical Steps to Overcome the Fear

So, how do you start to shift from a mindset of fear to one of possibility?

Transforming Your Inner Dialogue:

You know how sometimes those negative thoughts just sneak in, like when you catch yourself thinking, "I'll be alone forever"? It’s amazing how quickly those thoughts can spiral. These are the thoughts that have the power to  turn a moment of doubt into a full-blown fear that feels impossible to shake. But here’s the thing: you have more power over your thoughts than you might realize. Instead of letting that negative thought take over, try flipping it around. Tell yourself something like, "I can build a life that makes me happy, no matter what."

I know, it might sound a little strange at first - maybe even a bit forced. But trust me, the more you practice this, the more natural it will feel. Think of it like building a muscle. At first, it takes effort, and you might not see the results right away. But with consistent practice, you’ll start to notice that your brain is quicker to jump to the positive, to see the possibilities instead of getting stuck in the fears.

Start by paying attention to your thoughts. When you notice a negative one creeping in, don’t just let it sit there. Challenge it. Ask yourself, “Is this thought really true? Is it helpful? Is there another way to look at this?” Often, you’ll find that these fears are more about what might happen than what’s actually happening. Once you’ve identified the negative thought, it’s time to work on reframing it. Instead of “I’ll be alone forever,” try something like, “I have the freedom to create the life I want, on my own terms.” Or, “This is my chance to explore new possibilities and discover what truly makes me happy.”

It’s not about pretending everything is perfect - it’s about giving yourself the chance to see things from a different angle. Over time, you’ll start to notice that these positive reframes come more easily. This is when the negative thoughts lose some of their power. Soon, you’ll start to catch those negative thoughts before they fully form. Without realizing it, you replace them with something more empowering right from the start.

And here’s where it gets really powerful: this practice doesn’t just change how you think - it can change how you feel and how you act. When you start to believe that you can create a fulfilling life on your own, you’ll find yourself taking steps toward that life. Maybe you’ll sign up for that class you’ve been curious about, or finally take that solo trip you’ve always dreamed of. As your thoughts shift, so do your actions, and before you know it, you’re living the life you’ve been dreaming of.

So give it a try. The next time a negative thought pops up, pause, take a deep breath, and flip it around. See how it feels to challenge those old fears and replace them with something that feels more hopeful, more possible. It might take some time, but with practice, you’ll start to see the difference it makes - not just in your thoughts, but in your entire outlook on life.

Seek Therapy or Coaching:

Sometimes, we need a little extra help to navigate these emotions. Talking to a therapist or a coach can really make a difference - they can give you the tools and guidance to help you move forward. Therapy might help you dig into what’s really driving your fears, and coaching can help you figure out how to build the life you want. If seeing someone one-on-one feels out of reach, maybe look into group therapy. It’s a great way to get support from both a professional and others who are going through similar things.

And don’t underestimate the power of a good book or a self-help guide. Sometimes reading about how others have handled similar situations can be deeply comforting and give you some new ideas to try.

Set New Goals: 

It might be time to set some new goals that really excite you. What’s been sitting on your bucket list? Traveling to new places, picking up that hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or maybe even switching careers? Set those goals and go after them with everything you’ve got. There’s nothing like the thrill of creating a life that’s 100% yours. 

Make it fun – create a vision board or start a journal to track your dreams and break them down into steps you can tackle now. Your goals don’t have to be massive to be meaningful. Even trying something new like a cooking class or joining a book club can light you up and bring a fresh sense of joy.

Thinking about giving back? Volunteering is an incredible way to connect with your community and remind yourself of the impact you can have, all while filling your own cup. You’ve got so much to offer—why not share it?

Embrace Your Own Company:

Guess what? You might actually be the love of your life! You’ve spent so much time taking care of everyone else - now it’s time to turn that same love and attention inward. This is your moment to spoil yourself, to really dive into what makes you happy, and to discover the joy in your own company. Think about it: when was the last time you did something purely for you, just because it made you feel good? Now’s the perfect time to start.

Start by taking yourself out on dates. Yes, solo dates! Whether it’s a fancy dinner at that restaurant you’ve been eyeing, a movie you’ve been dying to see, or even a spontaneous day trip to somewhere new, make it all about you. Dress up, order your favorite dish, savor the experience, and relish in the freedom of doing exactly what you want, when you want. The beauty of solo adventures is that you get to call the shots - no compromises, no negotiations, just pure, unfiltered you-time.

But it doesn’t have to be just the big outings. Embrace the little things, too. Start your day with a morning ritual that brings you peace, whether it’s sipping coffee while watching the sunrise, reading a book you love, or spending a few moments in meditation. Treat yourself to a spa day at home, complete with your favorite bath salts, candles, and a playlist that makes you feel like the queen you are. The goal is to create moments where you’re not just tolerating being alone, but actively enjoying it.

The more you invest in these experiences, the more you’ll realize that being alone isn’t something to fear—it’s something to cherish. It’s a time when you can be your most authentic self, free from the pressures and expectations of others. You’ll start to notice how empowering it is to be comfortable in your own skin, to know that you don’t need anyone else to complete you, because you’re already whole.

And if you’re looking for a way to process all those thoughts and feelings that come up, journaling can be your best friend. There’s something incredibly cathartic about putting pen to paper, about getting all those swirling emotions out of your head and onto the page. Use your journal as a safe space to explore your fears, dreams, and everything in between. Write down what’s on your mind, no matter how big or small, and then look for ways to turn those thoughts into fuel for growth. Maybe you’ll discover new passions, or perhaps you’ll start to see patterns in your thinking that you can work on shifting. 

This journey is about falling in love with yourself - flaws, quirks, and all. It’s about recognizing that you are enough, just as you are, and that you have the power to create a life that’s rich with meaning and joy, even when you’re on your own. So go ahead, embrace your own company, and see where it takes you. You might just find that you’re the best company you’ve ever had.

Expanding Your Social Circle:

Ready to shake things up and bring some fresh energy into your life? Now’s the perfect time to dive headfirst into new interests and surround yourself with people who vibe with the new you. This is your moment to rediscover what makes you tick and connect with others who are just as passionate about those things as you are. 

Start by exploring activities that genuinely excite you. Maybe it’s joining a fitness class where you can get your sweat on while meeting people who are just as committed to their well-being as you are. Or perhaps it’s a book club where you can dive into lively discussions about your favorite reads with a group of like-minded women. If travel is calling your name, why not join a travel group and explore new destinations while forming connections with fellow adventurers? The options are endless, and each one offers a unique opportunity to expand your social circle in a way that feels authentic and true to you. 

And here’s the beauty of it: when you’re doing what you love, you naturally attract others who share that same passion. These connections can be incredibly fulfilling, bringing joy, laughter, and companionship into your life without any of the pressure that sometimes comes with romantic relationships. It’s all about surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, inspire you, and add something special to your journey.

Think of it as building your own community—a circle of people who understand you, who support you, and who are just as invested in living their best lives as you are. These are the friends who cheer you on, who are there to share in your victories and pick you up when you’re feeling down. And the best part? These relationships are built on mutual respect and shared interests, creating bonds that are both meaningful and long-lasting.

So, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Say yes to that new class, that community event, or that meetup group you’ve been eyeing. The more you engage with the world around you, the more opportunities you’ll have to connect with others who are on a similar path. And who knows? You might just find that expanding your social circle not only brings new friends into your life but also opens up doors to experiences and opportunities you never imagined.

Remember, it’s all about creating a life that’s rich with connections and experiences that resonate with who you are now. Embrace this time as a chance to build a network that lifts you up and adds something truly special to your life. You deserve to be surrounded by people who bring out the best in you—so go out there and find your people!

Your Fears Are Completely Normal

Most women fear being alone after divorce. That fear can be loud and overwhelming, making you feel like you’re staring down a future full of uncertainty and loneliness. But here’s the truth: being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely or unfulfilled. This next chapter of your life doesn’t have to focus on finding your next romantic connection - it’s about something much more profound.

This journey is about rediscovering the most important relationship you’ll ever have - the one with yourself. It’s about learning to find joy, peace, and contentment from within, and building a life that feels authentically yours. Yes, romantic love may come again in time, but what’s even more empowering is knowing that your happiness isn’t dependent on that. You have the freedom to define what your life looks like now, to shape it into something that truly reflects who you are and what you want.

So, while the fear of being alone is real, it doesn’t have to control you. You have the power to transform that fear into an opportunity to create a life that’s rich with meaning, passion, and connection - even if those connections aren’t romantic. By embracing your own company, nurturing your passions, and surrounding yourself with supportive, like-minded people, you’ll find that your life can be full, vibrant, and deeply satisfying.

Remember, you’re not navigating this new chapter alone. There’s a whole community of women who are walking this path with you - women who understand what you’re going through and are here to support you every step of the way. Together, we can redefine what life after divorce looks like and make it something beautiful, powerful, and uniquely yours. So, embrace this new chapter with open arms, and you might just discover that the possibilities are far greater than you ever imagined.

If you aren’t sure where to turn, check out our ever-growing Resources page. We have a wide range of resources and there is one that will meet you exactly where you are now.

Just divorced? Grab our Surviving Year One card deck.

Ready to focus on healing? Check out the self-paced Recovery Method.

Want an in-person event? We gather every January for the annual Vision Board Party. Click here and join us!