Divorced Women Deserve More: The Power of Investing in Your Own Growth

We, as women, are experts at giving. Whether it’s caring for our kids, supporting our friends, or even being there for a neighbor in need, we’re quick to offer our time, energy, and love. After a divorce, this often gets turned up a notch. Many of us feel an overwhelming pressure to “make everything okay” for everyone around us, especially our children.

But when we're giving to others all the time, we often forget to give to ourselves. Instead of taking care of our own needs, we keep pouring everything we have - our emotions, energy, and time—into other people. After divorce, this can feel like the only way to keep things together. If they're okay, maybe we will be too. But does it really work? Not usually.

Why does this happen? Why do we keep putting others first, even when it leaves us feeling empty? Why do we feel bad about investing in ourselves?

It’s almost as if investing in ourselves is seen as selfish or indulgent, rather than necessary. But here's the truth: investing in yourself is the single most important step to rebuilding your life after divorce. So why is it so hard to do? Let’s dig into that.

Why Do We Give to Others but Not Ourselves?

Cultural Conditioning: The Caregiver Trap
One big reason is how we’ve been raised. Since we were young, we’ve been taught that a woman’s value comes from taking care of others—whether it’s our family, friends, or work. We hear things like “moms always come last” or “good women are selfless.” We see these messages in movies, on TV, and even in conversations with others. Over time, we start to believe them.

These messages shape our sense of identity. We're made to feel that to be a “good” woman, we must constantly care for others, even if it means neglecting ourselves. Taking time or money to invest in personal growth or happiness can be seen as selfish, indulgent, and even frivolous. We think, I’ll do something for myself later, but later never comes because there’s always another need to meet, another fire to put out.

It’s no wonder so many of us are stuck in this mindset. The cultural narrative teaches us that if we’re not constantly giving, we’re failing. And this conditioning doesn’t just disappear after divorce; if anything, it can feel even worse. The fear of being seen as “selfish” becomes even more prominent.

One woman we coached struggled deeply with this. She felt so guilty about taking time for herself that she once said, “I feel like a bad mom if I do anything for me. My kids have been through enough already.” This kind of guilt is the result of years of being told that we should always give and never take. It makes it hard to break free and start caring for ourselves.

Guilt and Fear of Judgment: The Emotional Block
Speaking of guilt—it’s powerful, isn’t it? For so many women, guilt becomes this invisible chain, stopping them from even considering their own needs. And let’s not forget the fear of judgment, whether it’s from family, friends, or society at large.

We’re so used to putting others first that the mere idea of doing something for ourselves can trigger an avalanche of negative thoughts: “What will people think?” “Will they say I’m being selfish?” “Do I even deserve this?” These thoughts can be paralyzing, keeping women locked in a cycle of giving without ever replenishing their own well-being.

One woman we spoke with told us that after her divorce, she felt so judged for not “bouncing back” immediately. She felt like any focus on herself—whether that was taking time for her mental health or even spending money on something for her—would be scrutinized. The result? She just kept giving, hoping it would earn her the approval or validation she craved. But all it did was drain her further.

The judgment isn’t just external—it’s internal, too. We carry this guilt around like a weight, believing that investing in ourselves makes us bad mothers, bad friends, or even bad people. That fear of judgment, whether it comes from others or ourselves, is often enough to keep us from ever putting ourselves first

Unconscious Beliefs Around Worth: The Deep-Rooted Struggle
Beyond cultural conditioning and guilt, there’s another factor at play: self-worth. Divorce can leave women feeling like they’ve failed in some way, and that feeling can chip away at our sense of self-value. When we’re already struggling with low self-esteem, it’s easy to believe we don’t deserve to invest in ourselves.

If you’re constantly thinking, “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve this,” how likely are you to spend time, money, or energy on your own growth? These unconscious beliefs can run deep, making you feel like you need to earn the right to take care of yourself. And it’s exhausting.

We worked with a client who always put her ex-husband’s career and dreams first during their marriage. After the divorce, she realized she had lost touch with her own desires, her own ambitions. But when it came time to invest in herself—whether it was taking a course, starting a new hobby, or even just buying a nice pair of shoes—she hesitated. “I feel like I haven’t done enough to deserve it,” she admitted.

This is the trap. We've been giving for so long that when it comes time to give to ourselves, we hesitate, unsure if we’re worthy of it.

By diving into these underlying reasons, we can start to understand why so many women find it challenging to invest in themselves. But recognizing the problem is just the first step; the real transformation comes when you give yourself permission to invest in you.

Now that we understand why so many of us struggle to invest in ourselves—whether it's from societal conditioning, guilt, or low self-worth—let's talk about the real cost of continuing down that path. When you constantly put yourself last, it doesn’t just affect your day-to-day life; it impacts your physical, emotional, and personal well-being in ways you might not even realize. Here’s what happens when you don’t take the time to invest in yourself.

The Cost of Not Investing in Yourself

Physical Exhaustion
When you constantly give without taking the time to recharge, your body eventually starts to wave the white flag. Burnout, chronic fatigue, and even more serious health issues like weakened immunity or heart problems can start to creep in. Women, especially after a divorce, often feel the pressure to do it all, but our bodies have limits. Studies have shown that stress and the neglect of self-care can lead to everything from insomnia to higher risks of long-term diseases. The message is clear: your body will eventually force you to slow down if you don’t choose to invest in rest and self-care now.

Emotional Depletion
Giving to everyone else without replenishing your emotional reserves can leave you feeling drained, resentful, or even numb. It’s like running on an empty emotional tank—at some point, you’re going to hit a wall. Emotional energy is finite, and if you’re always pouring out for others without filling yourself back up, you’ll be left running on fumes. Emotional exhaustion doesn’t just hurt you, it can also impact your relationships, leaving you irritable or disconnected from the very people you care about. Investing in your emotional well-being is crucial if you want to maintain healthy, fulfilling connections and stay balanced within yourself.

Feeling Stuck and Unfulfilled
When all your focus is on others, there’s little room for your own growth and personal fulfillment. It’s easy to feel stuck, as if life is passing you by. You might start to notice that while you’ve been helping everyone else move forward, you’ve remained in the same place—disconnected from your own dreams and passions. This lack of focus on yourself can keep you in a cycle of sameness, where each day feels like a repeat of the last. Personal growth isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity if you want to thrive and not just survive. You deserve to evolve, explore new opportunities, and live a life that excites you.

The cost of neglecting yourself is steep—physically, emotionally, and mentally. But here’s the good news: you can turn that around by making the decision to invest in yourself. Post-divorce, this isn’t just about surviving—it’s about rebuilding a life that truly feels like yours. So, why is investing in yourself so critical during this new chapter? Let’s break it down.

Why Investing in Yourself Is Essential Post-Divorce

Rebuilding Your Life on Your Terms
Divorce gives you the chance to rediscover who you are, apart from the roles you’ve played as a wife, partner, or caregiver. It’s like being handed a blank slate, and while that can be overwhelming, it’s also a massive opportunity. Investing in yourself—whether it’s through self-care, learning, or personal exploration—allows you to create a life that reflects your needs and desires, not someone else’s.

This is where the Post Divorce Growth Cycle framework comes in. It’s about focusing on four key areas—your authentic self, radical self-care, money confidence, and healthy relationships. Each of these pillars supports your journey of rebuilding, not as someone else’s partner or caretaker, but as a woman with her own passions, dreams, and identity. When you invest in these areas, you begin to shape a life that truly aligns with who you are now, not who you were before.

Strengthening Your Future
When you invest in your personal growth—whether through education, a new hobby, or even developing a new skill set—you’re setting yourself up for a future where you can live independently, confidently, and fulfilled. It’s about creating the life you want, one that feels empowered and full of possibilities.

Financially, this might mean taking a class to build your money confidence or learning how to better manage your finances. Emotionally, it could be seeking therapy or joining a support group that helps you heal and grow. Intellectually, it could mean picking up a new passion or rediscovering an old one. Each of these investments is a building block toward a future where you don’t just get by—you thrive.

Setting an Example
For those who have children, investing in yourself does something incredibly powerful: it sets an example for them to follow. By showing your kids that it's not just okay but essential to prioritize your own needs, you’re teaching them a valuable lesson. You're demonstrating that self-care and personal growth are not selfish—they're necessary.

Your children are always watching, and when they see you taking steps to better your life, it sends a clear message that they, too, have permission to care for themselves. They learn that investing in themselves—whether it’s time, energy, or resources—is a fundamental part of living a fulfilling, healthy life. You’re not just rebuilding your own future; you’re paving the way for theirs too.

Now that we understand why investing in yourself post-divorce is essential, the next question is: how do you actually do it? The barriers—whether it’s guilt, fear, or feeling like there’s no time—are real, but they aren’t insurmountable. The key is to start recognizing those obstacles and take practical steps to overcome them. Let’s explore how you can begin shifting the focus back to yourself.

How to Overcome the Barriers to Investing in Yourself

Acknowledge and Reframe Guilt
Guilt often pops up when we even think about putting ourselves first. But here’s the thing: guilt isn’t always a bad thing. It can be a signal that you’re stepping outside of old, limiting patterns. Instead of letting guilt stop you, try reframing it as a sign of positive change. You’re not being selfish—you’re setting yourself up for a more fulfilled and balanced life.

Action Step: Take a moment to write down what makes you feel guilty when you think about investing in yourself. Do you think you're neglecting others? That you don’t deserve it? Once you've identified those thoughts, reframe them. For example, change “I’m being selfish” to “I deserve care too.” This simple shift can be powerful in changing how you see your own worth.

Set Boundaries with Others
One of the biggest barriers to investing in yourself is feeling like there’s no time or space to do so. This is where setting boundaries comes into play. If you’re always saying "yes" to others, you leave little room for yourself. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about carving out the space you need to recharge and grow.

Action Step: Think about one area in your life where you need to set a boundary. Maybe it’s saying no to an extra commitment at work, or asking family members to take over certain responsibilities. Identify where you can reclaim time or energy for yourself, and start there.

Start Small
Investing in yourself doesn’t have to be a grand, life-altering event. In fact, small, consistent actions can be just as impactful. Maybe it’s setting aside 15 minutes a day for something that lights you up, or finally signing up for that class you’ve been eyeing. The important thing is to start—even if it feels small.

Action Step: Commit to one small step today. Whether it’s signing up for a course, reading a book, or scheduling alone time, make it something that moves you closer to feeling like yourself again. Remember, even small actions compound into big changes over time.

Find a Community of Support
Going through this journey alone can feel daunting, but the good news is, you don’t have to. Surrounding yourself with others who are also focused on investing in themselves can provide the support and encouragement you need to keep going. Whether it’s a friend, a group, or an online community, having people who understand your journey makes it so much easier.

Action Step: Seek out a community that aligns with your goals. If you’re unsure where to start, I invite you to explore our programs, where you’ll find a safe space filled with women on the same path. We’re here to support you as you take these powerful steps toward your next chapter.

By breaking down these barriers, you’ll find that investing in yourself becomes not just possible, but transformative. Each step you take is a move closer to the life you deserve, one where your well-being is a priority, not an afterthought.

Now that we’ve tackled the barriers to investing in yourself, let’s get into the practical ways you can start making those investments today. Remember, investing in yourself isn’t just about money—it’s about creating space, emotionally and mentally, for your growth and well-being. Let’s break down the different areas where you can begin nurturing yourself in a meaningful way.

10 Practical Ways to Invest in Yourself Post-Divorce

1. Financial Investment
It’s okay to spend money on you. Whether it’s a course that excites you, therapy that helps you heal, or even something that simply brings you joy, your financial investment in yourself is money well spent. For so long, you may have prioritized other people’s needs or household expenses, but now is the time to allocate some of your resources to your personal growth.

How to Invest: Consider taking a class that piques your interest, hiring a coach to guide you through this next chapter, or joining a membership program designed to help you rebuild after divorce. Your financial well-being includes spending on your own development, not just the bills.

2. Time Investment
Time is one of your most valuable resources, and making room for personal growth, self-care, and your passions is crucial. You’re not just "fitting it in"—you’re prioritizing yourself in a tangible way.

How to Invest: Block out time in your weekly schedule that’s just for you—whether it’s for reading, reflection, or learning something new. Time invested in yourself is never wasted. Even if it’s as simple as taking 10 minutes for quiet reflection, every little bit counts.

3. Energy Investment
Where you place your energy matters. Protect your emotional and mental well-being by focusing on what nourishes you, rather than what drains you. Many women fall into the trap of saying "yes" to all the things, leaving themselves exhausted. Now is the time to redirect that energy.

How to Invest: Practice saying “no” to things that don’t serve you. Delegate tasks if you can, meditate to recharge your emotional energy, and surround yourself with positive influences. These are small but powerful ways to invest your energy wisely.

4. Emotional Investment
Allow yourself to feel and process emotions rather than suppressing them. Emotional health is key to long-term healing, especially after divorce. Often, we avoid our grief, anger, or fear, but those feelings need to be addressed for real growth to happen.

How to Invest: Journaling is a great way to unpack and process emotions. Therapy or support groups can also provide a safe space to explore your feelings. Consider emotional release practices like art or movement therapy—anything that helps you work through what you’re feeling instead of avoiding it.

5. Mental/Intellectual Investment
Divorce often forces women into survival mode, leaving little room for intellectual growth. But once you're past that phase, it’s important to re-engage your mind. Challenging yourself with new learning, curiosity, or intellectual stimulation helps reignite your sense of purpose and keeps your brain sharp.

How to Invest: Take up a new course, dive into books that inspire you, or explore creative problem-solving. Whether it’s learning a new language, solving puzzles, or engaging in hobbies that require mental focus, investing in your intellect will bring new excitement and satisfaction into your life.

6. Spiritual Investment
Spiritual investment, whether through organized religion, nature, or personal rituals, can provide grounding and help you navigate this new chapter. Divorce often leaves us feeling untethered, and connecting to something bigger than yourself can help restore balance and peace.

How to Invest: Regular meditation, mindfulness, attending spiritual gatherings, or even simply connecting with nature can provide that needed grounding. Develop a personal ritual—whether it’s daily affirmations, a weekly nature walk, or a gratitude practice—that brings you calm and focus.

7. Social Investment
Healthy, supportive relationships are a crucial form of investment. After divorce, many women find themselves stuck in old, unhealthy social dynamics. It's time to prioritize relationships that nurture you, not drain you.

How to Invest: Seek out new communities that align with your goals and values. Set boundaries with toxic people, and deepen connections with positive influences. Whether it’s joining a book club, participating in local groups, or simply spending more time with people who lift you up, social investments create a powerful support network.

8. Creative Investment
Creativity can be a powerful outlet for emotions and self-expression. Divorce can sometimes stifle that part of us, but nurturing creativity helps you rediscover joy and purpose.

How to Invest: Try out new forms of creative expression, whether it’s writing, painting, music, or photography. The key is to do it for the love of the process, not for perfection. Creative investment allows you to reconnect with yourself in a fulfilling way.

9. Physical Space Investment
Your environment plays a huge role in how you feel. Post-divorce, reclaiming your space and making it reflect your new life can be incredibly empowering. Your home should feel like a sanctuary, not a reminder of the past.

How to Invest: Take the time to declutter, redecorate, or reorganize your living space. Make it reflect your current self and your intentions for the future. Even small changes—like new artwork, plants, or rearranging furniture—can bring a fresh energy into your home.

10. Rest and Relaxation Investment
Resting isn’t unproductive—it’s essential for your well-being. Often, women feel like they must earn rest, but the truth is, it’s a necessity, not a reward. Real relaxation allows you to recharge and come back to your life with more energy and focus.

How to Invest: Make relaxation a regular part of your life. Whether it’s a nap, a spa day, or simply “doing nothing” for an afternoon, give yourself permission to rest without guilt. Regular downtime is crucial for maintaining balance in your busy life.

These practical ways of investing in yourself aren’t just self-care buzzwords—they’re key components of building a life that feels fulfilling and true to who you are. Whether you start with small steps or bigger investments, the most important thing is to begin. Your well-being deserves it.

Now that you have a clearer picture of the many ways you can invest in yourself, it’s time to take action. Each of these investments, whether financial, emotional, or even creative, plays a vital role in helping you rebuild and thrive. The key is to start where you are and build from there—small, consistent steps will lead to big transformations over time.

This Is Your ‘Call to Action’ Moment

Investing in yourself is not a luxury; it’s an absolute necessity for living a fulfilling life post-divorce. You’ve spent so much time giving to others—it’s time to give to yourself. Whether it’s taking back your time, spending money on your personal growth, or simply allowing yourself to rest, these are the building blocks to a life that feels aligned with who you truly are.

Today is the day to make that decision. Take the first step—whether it’s signing up for a class, joining a community, or carving out time in your schedule just for you. And if you’re looking for support on this journey, we invite you to explore our Resource Collection, from our digital downloads to self-paced programs to one-on-one coaching to in-person events. We’ve designed everything to help you navigate this new chapter with confidence and clarity. You don’t have to do it alone; we’re here to guide and support you every step of the way.

We’re hosting our annual in-person event, The Year You Want, January 10-12, 2025 in Raleigh, NC. Grab your spot now and get fired up to create a year that fills you with excitement.

Your next chapter is waiting—it’s time to invest in you.