Fear Of Being A Burden
In the early days of your divorce, it's natural to feel like you're navigating uncharted territory. It is all new, scary, heartbreaking and exhausting. You are facing a new reality that feels overwhelming. And on top of everything, many divorced women shut down and begin to isolate themselves. It feels like there is constant stress and drama. They may lean on friends initially but then…they start shutting down. They begin to worry about.being a burden on friends and family. You know what we're talking about – that nagging feeling that you should handle your issues solo, so you don't inconvenience anyone else.
It's as if there's an unspoken expectation that you should be the ever-independent, "I've-got-it-all-together" superhero. But here's the truth that we often overlook: women actually thrive in community. Think of all those power duos - Mary and Rhoda, Lucy and Ethel, Thelma and Louise….
If this sounds like you, know that (even though it often feels like it) you are absolutely not alone. So many divorced women think they need to prove that they can handle everything, that their circle just won’t get it, or they fear trusting anyone with their private information. This inclination can enforce the feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Think of it this way, your friends, your family, and support network are not there by coincidence. They're by your side because they care about you deeply, and they genuinely want to help. You have cultivated your circle long before your life got turned upside down by the divorce. These people have a track record of loving you. When you open up and allow them to support you during the early days of separation and divorce, you're not burdening them. You're inviting them to share the load, to be your emotional safety net, and to provide the warmth and care that only loved ones can offer.
Think of it this way: Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a declaration of strength.It is showing yourself that although your heart is bruised, you are willing to stay open to those that love you and want to stand by you. It's saying, "I'm ready to confront my challenges, and I value the people who care about me enough to let them in."
And also think of it this way - If the roles were reversed, would you want the honor of showing up for them? Of holding space for their pain and frustration? Would you want the chance to offer to act out some incredibly genius act of revenge - just to see them smile? Of course you would, and friendships are reciprocal! Don’t deny your circle the opportunity to be on the giving side of the relationship for now.
Who should you consider opening yourself up to (and who definitely doesn’t get this honor)?
- Trusted Friends: Those friends who have consistently shown understanding, empathy, and support. Trust is essential here. Most of us have friends that are cherished and trustworthy. And we also have friends that are a ton of fun, or interesting or a million other things, but trustworthy and compassionate may not be some of their qualities. These friends are not the ones that you should share intimate details with. So this is a yes and no - be judicious.
- Family Members: This one is not as easy. Choose wisely which family members can be supportive, safe and will hold your information with the grace and dignity you deserve. And not turn around and air it all at Thanksgiving dinner next year. Family is not an automatic yes.
- Therapists or Counselors: Professionals with expertise in helping individuals navigate the emotional challenges of divorce can be super supporters. Working with a professional therapist or counselor can be a real game changer during and after divorce. This is a yes!
- Mentors or Coaches: Consider seeking guidance and support from professionals who specialize in life after divorce in a way that aligns with your values and life goals. As long as the professionals are positive and skilled at navigating you out of the pain and negativity of the past and towards building an exciting future, then this is a definite yes!
Ultimately, the key is to choose individuals who can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for you to express your feelings and experiences. And to remember that your friends want you to share because it not only benefits you but also enriches your friendship and allows them to be the supportive, caring individuals they want to be in your life.
So, as you navigate this uncharted territory of divorce, remember, you're not alone; you don't have to carry the weight by yourself. Embrace your circle, lean on your loved ones, and let them be the incredible support system they want to be in your life. Together, you'll not only conquer this challenging phase but also strengthen your bonds and create lasting memories in the process.
