How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Divorce For A Woman?

Divorce can be a tumultuous journey, one that challenges your emotions, identity, and outlook on life. I vividly recall my college breakup, drowning in sorrow, convinced I'd never love again. Like most of us, I received a slew of advice - some of it valuable. One notion stuck with me: it takes half the time you were together for you to heal. For my two-year college relationship, that meant a manageable ten months of recovery. Seemed doable.

However, this advice doesn't hold water when it comes to healing after divorce. What if your marriage spanned ten years, twenty, or more? No one, especially a woman navigating the turbulent waters of divorce, should be burdened with the prospect of a decade of healing before a semblance of normalcy returns.

So, how long does it take to heal from divorce, and are there signs along the way to reassure you that healing is indeed happening? These are substantial questions, and there is no single, definitive answer. Your marriage, your divorce, and your journey to healing are all uniquely yours… and your timeline will be as individual as you are.

There are several things that influence the trajectory of your post-divorce journey, but one significant factor is how long you knew the marriage was over. Were you aware for years that the relationship was crumbling, or did the divorce request blindside you?

Regardless of your circumstance, the end of a marriage triggers a grieving period, and you may not even be fully aware of what exactly you're grieving, as all your grief, along with its close companion, anger, is bundled under the label of "Divorce."

Here are the most common things we’ve found women may grieve after divorce - you might be dealing with one of them, all of them or even have some that are totally different.

Loss of the Relationship: The marriage itself, with its companionship, emotional connection, and shared experiences, is no more.

Emotional Pain: Intense feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and regret may dominate your emotional landscape.

Lifestyle Changes: Adapting to a new living situation, grappling with financial challenges, and adjusting to a changed daily routine can be daunting.

Loss of Identity: Your identity as a wife or partner has been altered, requiring time to rediscover who you are. Quick reminder - you are amazing.

Shared Dreams and Plans: Dreams and future plans shared with your ex, such as raising children or retirement goals, must be relinquished.

Social Circle Changes: Divorce often impacts friendships and social circles, necessitating the rebuilding of trust and connections.

Parenting Challenges: Co-parenting can be emotionally taxing as you navigate changes in the family dynamic.

Financial Loss: Financial stability and security may feel like distant memories, especially if you've taken a break from the workforce or weren't involved in financial decision-making.

Loneliness: The adjustment to single life may bring forth feelings of isolation and a transformed social landscape.

Self-Esteem and Confidence: Rebuilding self-esteem and confidence can be a lengthy, emotionally charged process.

All these aspects might seem like just too much, but if you're here reading this, it's a promising sign that you're ready to begin shaping your future. This step serves as the foundation upon which your next chapter will be built.

5 Signs You Have Begun To Recover From A Divorce

But how do you recognize when the grieving is subsiding and the healing has begun? Below are five essential signs that you are on your way - though you don't need to experience all of them at once, and some may appear and disappear. Remember, healing is a journey with its twists and turns.

Sign #1 - You're Sleeping Better & Feeling Rested

You’re allowed to feel bad, sad and angry that your marriage ended. And you’re allowed the tears you need to shed when those feelings get too intense. Many nights may have been spent crying yourself to sleep, leaving you sleep-deprived and drained the next day. Suddenly, you notice a change - you're sleeping better, waking up feeling more rested, and tears are less frequent. Thoughts of your ex may still visit, but with less intensity and anger. It doesn’t feel wrong to be alone at night.

Sign #2 - You May Be Ready To Date

You may recall the pressure from friends and family to "get back out there." Perhaps you ventured into the dating scene prematurely, resulting in disaster because you weren't ready. But now, the idea of dinner and a movie with someone new sparks a little excitement within you. This doesn’t mean you have to rush into anything; simply relish the sensation that you're inching towards a new beginning. You’ll know when the time is right.

Sign #3 - You're Excited About The Future

This one might catch you by surprise. Throughout the divorce process, you likely devoted most of your energy to legal, financial, and emotional tasks, all while grappling with your new reality. Perhaps you've been ensnared in the belief that your best days are behind you. Then, something beautiful happens. You sense hope, you envision possibilities on the horizon, and you welcome the chance to build a new life. Though the vision may not be crystal clear, feelings of positivity about what's ahead start to envelop you.

Sign #4 - You Relish The Independence

So often in marriage, we give up pieces of ourselves to keep everyone else happy, to tamp down tension if the marriage is toxic, and to conform to the traditional gender roles we learned from our own mothers. But now, slowly but surely, you're finding your footing in this new chapter. There's a growing confidence in your ability to navigate life on your own terms. It's not always glamorous or even easy, and there are moments of doubt, but you're embracing your newfound independence. Each small victory, like assembling a piece of furniture or managing your finances, reminds you that you're capable of so much more than you once thought. It's a journey filled with ups and downs, but there's a real and raw sense of empowerment in knowing that you've got this.

Sign #5 - You Are Reconnecting To Yourself

As you navigate life post-divorce, you're rediscovering the passions and interests that once lit up your world. It's not just about hobbies; it's about reconnecting with the essence of who you are. You're finding solace and joy in the simple pleasures, whether it's picking up a neglected art project, dusting off your running shoes for a morning jog, or diving into a good book that sparks your imagination. These activities are more than just pastimes; they're pathways to rediscovering yourself. It's like piecing together a beautiful mosaic of your identity, one cherished activity at a time. Through these moments of self-discovery and self-care, you're not only rebuilding your life but also reconnecting with the incredible person you've always been.

One day, you'll look in the mirror and recognize her—the woman who is strong, capable, and prepared to face life's challenges head-on. She's you, and she's extraordinary.

Your journey through healing after divorce is uniquely yours, and there's no predetermined timeline. Embrace each sign, even if they appear and disappear, like a glimmer of progress. Recovery isn't a straight line, but your resilience and determination will guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

If you are struggling to move forward, or just don’t want to take this journey alone, we invite you to schedule a free 15-minute call with Carolyn or Mimi. We are happy to share what resources we have available to meet you where you are right now in your divorce journey. 

blog cover art by mimagephotography