Healing After Divorce: How 3 Small Words Create Big Change

What you’ve been through? It’s been hard. Maybe harder than you ever thought you could handle. And yet—here you are. You’ve survived the sleepless nights, the endless decisions, and the emotional rollercoaster. You’ve done the hard part.

Now let’s talk about what comes next.

The healing phase doesn’t have to feel as grueling as what you’ve already been through. Yes, it will take time, patience, and a little bit of effort, but it doesn’t have to feel heavy or overwhelming. In fact, Healing can be lighter and even hopeful with the right mindset.

Have you noticed how loud your inner critic can get whenever you think about moving forward or you try to open the door to a future full of possibility? It’s the voice that whispers, “You’ll never figure this out,” or “You’re not strong enough to handle this.” That voice can feel so convincing, so real, that it’s easy to believe it’s just telling you the truth.

But negative self-talk isn’t just harmless background noise—it’s a powerful force that can keep you stuck. It traps you in a loop of self-doubt and fear, shutting down possibilities before you even have a chance to explore them. And after something as life-altering as a divorce, it can feel almost impossible to escape.

Why? Because big transitions tend to shake our confidence to the core. When life feels uncertain or out of control, our brains try to protect us by clinging to what feels safe—like focusing on what we can’t do or what might go wrong. It’s a misguided attempt to shield us from more pain, but all it really does is build walls that keep us from moving forward.

Here’s the good news: you can break that cycle. It doesn’t require a grand overhaul or a complete reinvention—it can start with something as simple as the words you choose to speak to yourself. And not the big, flashy words you might be expecting, like transformation or empowerment. No, the shift begins with smaller, quieter words that carry surprising power. Words like YET, BUT, and AND. These tiny words are the ones that can gently nudge you out of feeling stuck and open the door to possibility.

The words YET, BUT, and AND might seem small, but they’re powerful tools that can help you rewire the way you think about yourself and your situation. They can turn that inner critic into an ally and open the door to a whole new perspective.

Let’s talk about how these three words can help you unstick your thoughts and start building the life you deserve.

The Power of YET

There’s a certain finality to phrases like, “I can’t do this” or “I don’t know how.” They shut the door on growth, locking you into a belief that your current abilities or circumstances are fixed and unchangeable. But when you add one simple word—YET—everything shifts.

YET is a bridge. It connects where you are now and where you want to go. It opens the door to possibility and reminds you that your current state is temporary. Instead of saying, “I’m not good with money,” try saying, “I’m not good with money yet.” That single word shifts your focus from what you lack to what you’re capable of learning or becoming.

Why is this so powerful? Because YET turns failure into growth. It takes the sting out of “I can’t” by reminding you that you’re a work in progress. After a divorce—or any life challenge—it’s easy to feel stuck, like you’ve hit the limits of what you can handle or achieve. But YET brings hope back into the equation, encouraging you to take small steps toward what you want, knowing that the skills, confidence, or knowledge you need are just around the corner.

Let’s take an example:

• “I don’t know how to manage my finances” feels overwhelming and hopeless.
• “I don’t know how to manage my finances yet” is empowering. It gives you permission to start learning without expecting perfection.

The beauty of YET is that it doesn’t demand instant success—it just asks you to believe in the possibility of change. And that belief? It’s the spark that gets you moving.

So, the next time you hear yourself saying, “I can’t” or “I don’t,” add YET to the end of the sentence. You might just surprise yourself with how far you can go.

The Freedom of BUT

Let’s face it—life after a divorce or any major upheaval isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There are tough days, frustrating moments, and times when it feels like the weight of everything is too much. BUT is the word that lets you acknowledge those struggles while still leaving room for hope and forward movement.

Here’s why BUT is so powerful: it’s the great reframe. When you use BUT, you take a negative statement and add a positive twist, turning a fixed thought into an open one. BUT reminds you that two things can exist at the same time—a challenge can be real, but so can your ability to overcome it.

For example:

• “This is so hard” can feel like a dead end.
• “This is so hard, but I’m learning how to handle it” shifts the focus from what’s difficult to what’s possible.

It’s not about ignoring the hard stuff. BUT doesn’t ask you to be falsely positive or pretend everything is fine. Instead, it encourages balance. It lets you feel your feelings and then reminds you that those feelings aren’t the whole story.

Here’s another example:

• “I feel alone right now” becomes “I feel alone right now, but I’m building new connections.”

Do you see the difference? The first statement keeps you in the feeling, while the second one acknowledges it and opens the door to action.

The best part about BUT is that it’s easy to use in your everyday thoughts and conversations. Anytime you catch yourself making a negative statement, try following it with BUT and something constructive or hopeful. You’ll be amazed at how quickly it can shift your mindset and energy.

The Inclusivity of AND

If BUT helps you reframe your thoughts, AND takes it a step further by expanding what’s possible. It’s the word that says, “I don’t have to choose—I can have both.”

One of the traps women often fall into after divorce is feeling like life has to be either/or. Either I’m healing, or I’m moving forward. Either I’m sad, or I’m happy. Either I focus on my kids, or I focus on myself. But life isn’t that black-and-white, and AND is the word that makes room for all of it.

Here’s how AND works:

• “I’m still grieving my marriage and I’m excited about what’s next.”
• “I feel scared about starting over and I’m open to new opportunities.”

AND gives you permission to hold two truths at once. It reminds you that you’re not limited to one way of feeling or being. You can feel messy and complicated and still be moving forward.

Why is this important? Because life is messy and complicated. AND helps you embrace that. Instead of feeling like you have to pick a lane—strong or vulnerable, happy or sad, certain or uncertain—you can just be where you are, holding all of it with grace.

Using AND also lets you expand your vision for what’s possible. It’s not, “I have to focus on my career or my personal life,” but “I can build a career I love and still create space for joy and connection.”

Start practicing this today. The next time you find yourself thinking in either/or terms, replace that or with AND. You might be surprised at how much more expansive and hopeful your world feels.

Why These Words Work Together

YET, BUT, and AND may seem like small, unassuming words, but they work together to completely shift the way you think about yourself and your future.

• YET gives you permission to be a work in progress. It lets you believe that what you can’t do now is just something you haven’t learned or achieved yet.
• BUT helps you acknowledge your struggles without getting stuck in them. It creates space for hope and forward momentum.
• AND reminds you that life isn’t either/or—it’s both/and. It allows you to hold complexity and embrace possibility.

When you combine these words, they form a toolkit for reframing your inner dialogue. For example:

• “I can’t do this” becomes “I can’t do this yet, but I’m learning and I’m proud of myself for trying.”

Do you feel the difference? These words work together to reshape your inner dialogue. They create a mindset that’s flexible, resilient, and growth-focused.

Simple Exercises to Practice These Words

Integrating YET, BUT, and AND into your daily life can be more impactful with supportive tools. Here are some exercises, complemented by products from the ReadyForMoreStore, to assist you:

1. Daily Reframes: Identify a negative thought and rephrase it using YET, BUT, or AND.

   • Example: “I’m not where I want to be” becomes “I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m taking steps to get there.”
   • Tool: Use the Empowering Swap Cards from the ReadyForMoreStore to guide your reframing practice.

2. Journaling Prompt: List current challenges and reframe each with a positive truth using BUT or AND.

   • Example: “I feel lost right now” becomes “I feel lost right now, but I’m learning to trust myself.”
   • Tool: The Who Am I Now? The Essential Journal Kit For Divorced Women provides structured prompts to facilitate this exercise.

3. Daily Affirmation: Create affirmations incorporating all three words.

   • Example: “I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m figuring it out and I’m proud of myself for moving forward.”
   • Tool: Sip your morning beverage from the "I AM" Affirmation Mug to reinforce positive affirmations.

4. Conversations with Others: When discussing struggles, add BUT or AND to present a balanced perspective. This approach fosters a more complete and hopeful narrative.

   • Tool: Both the Rebuilding Relationships After Divorce Workbook for Women and The Separation Script Toolkit offer guidance on effective communication strategies.

By integrating these exercises and utilizing supportive tools, you can effectively reframe your inner dialogue and embrace a more positive mindset.

These three little words—YET, BUT, and AND—have the power to reshape your mindset and unlock new possibilities. They don’t require grand gestures or life-changing decisions, just a small shift in how you talk to yourself.

So, the next time you catch yourself in a spiral of negativity, pause. Add a YET, a BUT, or an AND. You’ll be amazed at how quickly these tiny words can spark big changes.

Your life isn’t static. It’s unfolding, evolving, and full of potential. And it starts with the words you choose today.

Which of these words will you start using first? Let us know—we’d love to hear how they’re working for you!