How to Cope with Divorce Grief: Tools to Help You Survive the First Year

Grief can make you feel passive, as if it’s happening to you, leaving you struggling to respond. It is full of new "firsts".  First time going to our favorite spot alone, first birthday without someone, first time buying a car, a house, a movie ticket alone... These "firsts" can be like emotional landmines, catching you off guard and pulling you deeper into the pain. During this first year, it often feels like every time you find a moment of peace, another wave crashes over you, bringing back the hurt, sadness, and confusion.

But even though grief can feel relentless, there are ways to find moments of control, to manage the emotions as they come, and to reclaim a sense of agency in your healing process. This is where the concept of active grieving and active healing comes in. Instead of simply enduring the waves of grief, you can take small, intentional steps to engage with your emotions, allowing yourself to heal in the process. It’s not just about surviving each day—it’s about actively engaging in the journey, finding ways to work through the emotions that arise, and, ultimately, making it through this challenging first year with compassion for yourself and the path you’re on.

In this post, we’ll explore practical tools to manage grief, focusing on how you can actively engage in your healing process. These strategies aren’t about forcing yourself to move on, but about finding moments of peace, reflection, and self-compassion as you navigate the complex emotions that come with loss.

And, for those looking for a structured way to integrate these practices into daily life, we’ll also introduce our "Surviving Year One" card deck—a tool designed to gently guide you through the first year of grief with care and compassion.

1. Introducing Structure in an Unstructured Time

One of the most challenging aspects of grief is the way it disrupts the structure of daily life. The routines and rhythms that once provided stability can feel meaningless, causing emotions to feel overwhelming and hard to process. Reintroducing small, manageable rituals into your day can help anchor you when everything else feels chaotic.

A simple practice like setting aside a few minutes each morning to focus on something grounding can help create a sense of stability. This might include journaling, a few moments of mindfulness, or even pulling a card from a deck designed to help guide you through the day.

• Takeaway: Establishing small, consistent rituals can help create a sense of routine and give you something to hold onto during the unpredictable waves of grief.

2. Engaging with Grief Through Action

Grief isn’t something you can simply push through by ignoring it. It’s going to happen - there is no avoiding it. When you actively engage in healing your grief you allow yourself to move through the process that gives you some sense of participation. In other words, you aren’t just living in a state of hypervigilance waiting for grief to pop up unexpectedly. Open yourself up to healing through active engagement. That might mean sitting with difficult emotions, but it can also mean taking small steps toward self-care and connection. Finding ways to process your grief through action—whether it’s a walk in nature, reaching out to a friend, or writing about your feelings—can help you feel more in control.

The key is to focus on small, manageable steps. You don’t need to overhaul your entire life at once. Instead, think about what you can do today to honor your grief while still moving forward, even in the smallest of ways.

• Takeaway: Actively engaging with grief through small actions can help you process your emotions and regain a sense of agency during a time when so much feels beyond your control.

3. Making Space for Reflection and Self-Compassion

Grief often brings up complicated emotions—guilt, anger, sadness, and confusion can all arise, sometimes all at once. One of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself during this time is to make space for reflection and self-compassion. This might look like taking time to journal, meditate, or simply sit with your thoughts without judgment.

Allowing yourself to process these emotions without trying to rush through them can be an important step in healing. It’s easy to be hard on yourself during grief, but practicing self-compassion can help ease some of the emotional burden.

• Takeaway: Make room for reflection and approach your emotions with kindness, rather than judgment. Self-compassion can be a powerful tool for healing.

4. Tracking Progress, No Matter How Small

Grief can make it feel like you’re standing still, but healing is happening even when it doesn’t feel like it. One way to remind yourself of your progress is to track it, no matter how small. You might choose to keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings, or simply note the small steps you take each day to care for yourself.

Seeing these small actions accumulate over time can help you recognize that, while grief is still present, you are finding ways to move forward. This practice can help reduce feelings of helplessness and remind you that healing is a process.

• Takeaway: Tracking your small steps forward can help you see your progress and provide reassurance that healing is happening, even when it feels slow.

5. Finding Connection with Yourself and Others

Grief can be incredibly isolating, making it difficult to reach out for support. But connection—both with yourself and with others—can be one of the most healing aspects of the journey. This might mean finding ways to reconnect with your own needs, or it could involve reaching out to friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re going through.

The goal isn’t to fix the grief, but to find moments of comfort and understanding along the way. Whether it’s through a quiet moment of self-care or a conversation with a loved one, connection can help alleviate some of the loneliness that often accompanies loss.

• Takeaway: Reconnecting with yourself and others can provide comfort during grief. Finding even small moments of connection can help reduce feelings of isolation. Sometimes you just need someone to witness your story. That’s exactly why we offer our free ‘Share Your Story’ call. Click here and pick a time that works best for you.

Introducing the 'Surviving Year One' Deck: A Gentle Guide Through Grief

If you’re looking for a structured way to incorporate these practices into your daily or weekly routine, the "Surviving Year One" deck might be a helpful tool. Designed to provide guidance and support, this deck offers practical exercises, reflections, and affirmations to help you actively engage in your healing process.

Each card in the deck is crafted to meet you where you are, offering a gentle nudge toward moments of peace, self-compassion, and connection. Whether you’re in the early stages of grief or further along in your journey, the "Surviving Year One" deck can be a companion to help you navigate the ups and downs of healing.

Conclusion: Finding Your Way Through Grief

Grief is not a journey that can be rushed, and healing doesn’t follow a straight line. But by taking small, consistent steps—whether through daily rituals, active engagement, or moments of reflection—you can find your way through.

Remember, healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether it’s connecting with others, finding moments of mindfulness, or using tools like the "Surviving Year One" deck, there are ways to navigate grief that honor your emotions while guiding you toward moments of peace.