How to Prepare for Divorce as a Woman: A Comprehensive Guide to Empowerment and Self-Care

Divorce is not something anyone thinks will be part of their life story. And yet, so many of us find ourselves out of options in our marriages and facing the fact that divorce is the healthiest choice for everyone involved. Because a divorce is so disruptive and possibly traumatic, it's important to approach it with preparation and self-care in mind. As someone who has navigated the complexities of divorce firsthand, I understand the challenges, fears and uncertainties that come with it. In this guide, I'll share insights and personal experiences to help you prepare for divorce effectively across four key areas—Self Care, Authentic Self, Money Confidence, and Healthy Relationships.  These are the areas that, after years of working through my own divorce recovery and coaching hundreds, if not thousands of women through their own healing, have been the most effective and impactful areas for women to concentrate on.

Self Care Preparation:

• Recognizing and validating your emotions - in the very early days of my divorce, I projected an image of everything being fine, I pretended to be strong and unaffected by my marriage coming apart at the seams.  I resisted feeling the hard and scary feelings that came along with deciding to divorce.  If I could go back in time and give myself one piece of advice, it would be to feel all of the feelings.  Name them and give them space to breathe.  Take my advice and allow yourself to openly grieve.  Validate your own experience.  While not fun, It will allow you to move past this acutely painful stage more quickly. 
• Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals - This one was my saving grace.  I surrounded myself with really supportive people, including some I had to pay to support me!  Get your friends and family involved (when possible) and find a great therapist.  Don’t do this stage of divorce alone!
• Practicing self-care activities such as meditation, journaling, or therapy: During my separation and divorce I leaned into taking really good care of myself (for the first time in years!).  I knew that my future and my kids needed a healthy and nurtured version of me. 

Healthy Relationship Preparation:

• Setting boundaries with toxic relationships or situations: This one is so challenging.  If your ex is a difficult person, learning to set new boundaries and redefine the relationship dynamic is super important to your own well-being.  However, initially, it can make things worse instead of better.  
• Finding a core group of other people that have been through a divorce: Even though I had really wonderful friends and family in my corner during my divorce, I felt pretty isolated.  People were supportive in the ways they knew how to be, but it was people I met that had also been through a divorce that “got” me.  Our shared experience was very comforting to me and our conversations were filled with encouragement, wisdom and, yes, lots of commiserating about how much it sucked at times. Find people who can relate to your experience. 
• Healing before starting new romantic relationships:  This one is huge.  For many women, the fear of being alone, the desire to feel wanted and the competition to date before your ex does can really complicate the healing process.  Take time to grieve, find yourself again and learn what it is you want (and deserve) in a new partner.  Don’t rush into another relationship before you do the work to process and heal. You are at a pivotal point in your life. It can become 100% less complicated or 1,000% more complicated.  Choose wisely…

Authentic Self: 

• Embracing the opportunity for personal growth and healing: Divorce is the end of a primary relationship and chapter of your life.  AND it is an opportunity to get to know yourself better, create a new life that is on your terms, and heal old emotional wounds (that may have been impossible to address inside of the marriage).
• Familiarizing Yourself with Legal Rights and Obligations:This may not seem like it relates to your “Authentic Self” but it really does. It allows you to know what you are entitled to and what you are responsible for without burying your head in the sand or handing the reins over to your ex.  In my experience, having zero idea of the ins and outs of the legality of divorce was the scariest part of the process.  I had no idea what to expect and had heard many, many terrible stories about everything that could go wrong.  Sitting down with my attorney was the biggest relief.  She was immediately on my team and made me feel really comfortable about moving forward.   Find a great attorney that you connect with ASAP. 
• Safeguarding sensitive information to protect against identity theft or fraud: This one is literally protecting your identity - your authentic self.
• Reconnecting with hobbies, interests, and passions that bring joy and fulfillment: Life, parenting and marriage can pull you away from the things that light up your soul.  Divorce is extremely challenging and emotionally exhausting and, if you are open to it, it can be a beautiful new beginning.  This is your opportunity to rediscover the things you love to do, who you really are, and what you want next for yourself.  I encourage you to grieve the loss while exploring the future with curiosity and even a little excitement.
• Setting goals and aspirations for life after divorce: This goes hand in hand with the rediscovering yourself.  It is easy to stay in the energy of sadness, regret and what if. Setting your sites on the future and planning for new adventures, accomplishments and enjoyment is the key to pulling yourself out of a funk and little by little, moving on. 

Money Confidence Preparation:

• Understanding Your Finances - Fortunately or unfortunately, my ex-husband and I did not have complicated finances.  Our situation was pretty straightforward.  And it still took me a bit of time to locate all of our account information, understand where we stood with our mortgage, retirement account, car loans, savings accounts and a few other investments.  Getting familiar with our current status and creating my own spreadsheet with all of this information created a sense of calm (even when the information wasn’t what I wanted to see).  The not knowing is more stressful than the facts. 
• Establishing a budget to manage post-divorce finances - You knew it was coming.  Once you understand your legal rights, have some idea of what you will ask for in the divorce and know where your shared finances currently stand, you will need to create a post-divorce budget.  Think of this as a tool that will help you move forward with planning your next steps with clarity. It’s probably not the most fun thing you will ever do, but it will be super helpful. 
• Consulting with a financial advisor to assess long-term financial goals and implications - This is the perfect time to get an expert involved in your financial picture.  They can help set you up for success, even if you don’t have a huge amount of money to work with.
• Gathering Essential Documents: Find all of your “need these” documents (birth certificates, social security cards, mortgage statements, car titles, etc) and make copies of them.  You do not want to have to ask your ex for these later on if at all possible.  

Conclusion:

As you prepare for divorce, remember that you are not alone in this journey. By prioritizing self-care, understanding your legal rights, gaining confidence in your finances, and nurturing healthy relationships, and embracing the opportunity to rediscover yourself, you can navigate the divorce process with strength and resilience. Drawing from my own experiences, I encourage you to approach this chapter of your life with courage and compassion, knowing that brighter days lie ahead.

Additional Resources:

Ellevest: Ellevest is a financial company that aims to empower women to take control of their financial futures. Founded by Sallie Krawcheck, a Wall Street veteran, Ellevest offers investment and financial planning services tailored to women's unique needs and goals. Through their online platform, Ellevest provides personalized investment portfolios, retirement planning tools, and educational resources designed to help women build wealth and achieve their financial aspirations. With a focus on gender-specific financial advice and transparency, Ellevest seeks to bridge the gender investing gap and empower women to invest with confidence.

ReBranding Divorce Resources:  Explore our resource page packed with practical tools and insights tailored to guide you through the complexities of divorce. Dive into our curated selection of free and paid offerings, including courses like "Confidence After Divorce" and "Good Morning Moneymaker," designed to empower you with essential skills for navigating life post-divorce. Gain access to our private Facebook community, where you can connect with others, share experiences, and find support from experts and peers alike. Plus, access downloadable resources such as worksheets and guides to help you take charge of your financial future and well-being.