Life After Divorce For A Woman: 10 Beautiful Outcomes You Might Not Expect
Recently, I began a home remodeling project. In the process, I am losing two closets. TWO closets. My heart is starting to race just typing those words. One is my linen closet and the other was an ‘extra’ closet in my master bathroom. And since I get to make all my own decisions, I decided I needed a soaking bathtub more than I needed an extra closet.
Emptying out those closets kicked off this year’s Spring cleaning in a big way. I found 2 boxes of important paperwork, a box of my exes memorabilia that I had no idea was still around, a box of old phones and chargers my ex insisted we needed to keep and (of course) a whole bunch of expired lotions, makeup and really useless junk.
The thing that makes this extra ridiculous is that I’ve moved twice since my ex-husband passed away and I sold my marital home.
So why had I never looked through these boxes and cleared out this stuff that only had negative memories and negative energy for me? Why was I willing to keep moving these boxes from place to place instead of opening them up and sorting through them?
It’s because life after divorce is hard (read: exhausting, emotional, scary, sad) and after dealing with the necessary legal and financial aspects, having to sort through another stack of paper feels like torture. It was easier to close those boxes, tape them up and stick them in the back of a closet.
Finding these boxes and purging through them was easier today than it would have been in the immediate aftermath of my marriage ending. Partly because I’ve been working to build my confidence and worthiness, and partly because I know where I should be focusing to restart my life after my marriage ended.
In life, starting over is never easy. And it can be especially difficult starting over after divorce. If, like me, you’re a woman in midlife, it can feel even more daunting. This is a time in your life when there is already so much change happening and the thought of ‘starting over’ probably feels like the opposite of what should be happening.
Midlife is when you were expecting life to settle into a more predictable and comfortable time.
In your personal life, you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else: children, spouses, parents. It can feel foreign to turn those care-taking gifts into ourselves. But believe me when I say that it is necessary for growth and happiness.
If you have a career, you’ve likely reached a comfortable place in your job or business or at least have a clear path for where you're headed. Divorce may have thrown a big ole wrench into plans.
Divorce can make you feel like the foundation you’ve built a lifetime creating is about to come crashing down. There is an uneasiness that comes when you’re pushed out of your comfort zone, particularly if you weren’t expecting it. But, outside of your comfort zone is where significant growth occurs. If you open yourself up to it, this is where real magic can happen in your life.
We call this phenomenon the ‘gifts of divorce’. These gifts can be really hard to see, and accept, when you are struggling with the negative repercussions of your divorce. It requires embracing change, letting go of anger and resentment, and being willing to prioritize YOU and your well being.
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
~Marilyn Monroe
If it’s hard for you to imagine what these ‘gifts of divorce’ might be, here is a list of 10 beautiful things you can experience in your new life after divorce.
Rediscovery of Self
After divorce you can experience unexpected moments of reconnecting with your own desires, dreams, and interests. You might have neglected or stuck these on the back burner of your life. This rediscovery can lead to a profound sense of freedom and self-awareness, as you explore new hobbies, career paths, or educational pursuits that align more closely with your authentic self.
Newfound Independence
There's a unique beauty in the independence that comes after divorce. You can experience the empowerment of making decisions solely for yourself and your well-being. This newfound autonomy allows you to shape your life according to your own values and priorities, free from compromise or the need to accommodate your partner’s desires over your own.
Deepened Relationships
Post-divorce life often leads to deeper and more meaningful relationships with friends, family, and even new acquaintances. As you navigate your new chapter, you might find that your bonds with others become stronger as you lean on your support network, or you may form new friendships with those who have similar experiences or outlooks, enriching your social life and emotional well-being. I know my personal journey would have been longer, harder and lonelier if I hadn’t built a community of women who understood what it felt like to rebuild your life after a failed marriage.
Opportunity for New Love
While it certainly shouldn't be the immediate goal, the opportunity to find new love can be a beautiful aspect of life post-divorce. This time you are older and wiser and have a better understanding of yourself and what you want in a partner. You now approach relationships with a clearer perspective and a more defined sense of what a healthy, fulfilling relationship looks like for you.
Growth and Resilience
Life after divorce brings profound personal growth and resilience. Overcoming the challenges of ending a marriage gives you increased strength, confidence, and a better understanding of your resilience. You had to be stronger than you thought possible and you’ve made it to the other side. This resilience cannot be taken away, it will be with you for the rest of your life. Affirmations are a great way to keep your resilience high and are a great addition to your morning routine.
Enhanced Creativity
Post-divorce life can spark a surge in creativity. The brain space that was once consumed with dealing with your marriage and surviving the divorce process, can now seek new, creative outlets. You might find yourself channeling your emotions and experiences into creative outlets like painting, writing, or music, discovering talents you never knew you had or re-igniting passions that were put on hold. It’s time to unleash your creativity and see where it takes you.
Sense of Adventure
After a divorce, the freedom to explore new places and try new things can lead to a thrilling sense of adventure. Whether it's solo travel to exotic locations, trying adventurous sports, or simply exploring unknown parts of your own city, the experiences can be exhilarating and liberating. Imagine planning a vacation and only having to worry about packing for yourself and doing things you want to do.
Spiritual Awakening
The post-divorce period can often lead to a deep spiritual awakening. This can be a time for a woman to explore her spiritual beliefs, engage in practices like meditation or yoga, and seek deeper meaning in life, leading to a profound sense of inner peace and purpose.
Financial Independence
The process of becoming financially independent can be a liberating experience. There is so much potential joy in learning to spend your money in a way that aligns with your values. Women make better investors than men so don’t let fear keep you from learning about the stock market, real estate or other investment opportunities.
Renewed Hope
One of the most beautiful experiences post-divorce is the renewal of hope. As you work to put the past behind you, it’s possible to look forward to the future with optimism, excited about the possibilities that lie ahead. This renewed sense of hope can inspire confidence, joy, and a belief in the potential for happiness and fulfillment in the next chapter of your life.
As I learned during my recent home renovation, we sometimes have to let go of things we’ve held onto for too long - whether they're physical items like boxes of old memories or emotional burdens like past resentments. The process can be daunting, but it’s also incredibly rewarding.
To get this far, you’ve proven to yourself that you can survive really hard things. You know that whatever comes your way - the good days and the hard days - that you are equipped to handle them. By embracing the changes and focusing on the new experiences that lie ahead, you can build a life after divorce that’s not only different from what you had before but perhaps even more vibrant and fulfilling.
Need a little reminder to keep you moving? Take a look at our resources to support yourself as you enter this new chapter of your life.
If you are struggling to move forward, or just don’t want to take this journey alone, we invite you to schedule a free 15-minute call with Carolyn or Mimi. We are happy to share what resources we have available to meet you where you are right now in your divorce journey.
