Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce: A Guide to Embracing Your Inner Strength

Divorce does a number on us and it takes time and intention to fully recover.  Whether you wanted the divorce or they wanted the divorce or you both agreed it was time to divorce, it can still feel like the carpet has been ripped out from under you and everything you knew to be true up until this point has shifted. Nothing feels the same.  And - if you were expecting to feel relief once the papers were signed - you don’t - at least not consistently.  

The years leading up to and the actual process of divorce are filled with tension, anger, grief, often animosity, a sense of failure and frustration.  No wonder most of us are left questioning our self worth and abilities. Our confidence has taken a major hit and it makes healing and moving on feel close to impossible. 

You are here because you instinctively know that the first priority after the ink has dried is getting your personal mojo back. But where do you even begin?  I know from personal experience that trying to figure out how to feel like myself again when I wasn’t even sure who that version of me was felt completely overwhelming.  If you are feeling that way too, read on.  I am giving you a lot of direction to get you started.  And some resources to check out as well.

If you are here it is because you were looking for some guidance on how to start feeling better so that you can begin to move on. The good news is that you WILL feel like you again - and if you are like the thousands of women we have talked to inside of our programs, you may surprise yourself by feeling better than ever before!

The Importance of Confidence:

Confidence is not just a trait; it’s the foundation that supports us as we navigate life's transitions with resilience and optimism. It fuels our courage to embrace new beginnings, follow our passions, and face challenges with determination. After a divorce, rebuilding your confidence is crucial. It’s not merely about moving forward—it's about rediscovering who you truly are and exploring the boundless opportunities that await.

At the heart of our community’s work is nurturing this self-confidence. Seeing the remarkable transformations of women in our programs—who tap into newfound confidence and open doors to experiences they never imagined possible—is profoundly inspiring. These success stories are not just uplifting; they energize our commitment and remind us of the powerful impact of our work. 

Improving your self confidence allows you to:

• Elevate Your Career Opportunities
• Improve Your Relationships
• Have Better Decision Making Skills
• Improve Your Mental Health
• Gain More Social Ease
• Feel Greater Personal Satisfaction
• Bolster Your Self Sufficiency 

So, how do we begin to rebuild confidence after divorce? It starts with acknowledging that while divorce may have shaken our sense of self, it doesn't define who we are. In order to nurture self confidence, we have to be willing to change our thoughts and perspectives. About ourselves, our divorce, what we have been told and what we are actually able to achieve.  We are strong, resilient women capable of overcoming any obstacle that comes our way.

Let's talk about strategies to build your confidence that you start today.

Acknowledge Your Strengths: 

It is hard to acknowledge all the things you did (and do) well when you are feeling emotionally and spiritually beat up.  You have been through it and not every moment included you being your very best, wisest, calmest self - and that’s okay!  And yet, many, many moments included you being amazing. You made hard decisions with the information you had at the time, you navigated really challenging emotions, you kept it together for the people around you, you survived major change, you did all of that – and more.  Take some time to reflect on all of the times you showed up for yourself and did the next right thing. Give yourself credit for your hard work and inner strength.  Celebrate the qualities that make you unique and resilient. Make this a daily practice so that recognizing your amazingness becomes second nature to you.

Stop Thinking Of Your Divorce As A Failure: 

The end of a relationship is not a failure, it is an acceptance that it has run its course.  And that is a really normal thing.  Holding onto a relationship that no longer serves both people just to stay married is not a healthy, happy or even realistic plan.  And, deciding that it is time to move on to a different stage of life doesn’t mean that the time you spent together wasn’t significant, meaningful and successful.  Historically, marriages were a lot shorter (12 - 15 years by some estimates) because people did not live as long.  And with half of marriages ending in divorce we can agree that, as many couples decide to go their separate ways, as do decide to stay together.  And we don’t know what percentage of the 50% that stay together are happy and healthy in their marriages.  Knowing that half of all couples chose to divorce can help you reframe the idea that somehow you “failed” into the knowledge that divorce is a pretty normal progression of marriages today. 

Divorce Can Free You From Caring About Other People’s Opinions:

Divorce often marks a profound shift in how you perceive and value the opinions of others. Throughout your marriage, you might have found yourself constantly balancing your personal desires against your spouse’s expectations or societal norms. Now, post-divorce, you can embrace the liberating realization that you no longer need to conform to these external pressures. This newfound freedom isn't just about making everyday choices without seeking approval; it's a deeper, transformative opportunity to rediscover and assert your own identity. Seize this chance to live authentically, aligning your actions with your beliefs and values. In doing so, you're not just moving forward—you're rebuilding confidence that is truly your own.

Find New Coping Tools and Use Them - Build Your Coping Skills Toolkit:

Building your emotional toolkit with new coping strategies is not just practical—it's transformative. Techniques like square breathing and tapping can quickly reduce stress, offering immediate relief in moments of anxiety. If you haven’t tried the Havening Technique I encourage you to. With its comforting touch, havening helps soothe your nervous system, reinforcing feelings of safety and calm. Incorporating affirmations into your daily routine can shift your mindset, steadily building the belief in your own resilience and worth. Through visualization, you can mentally rehearse and embrace the possibilities of a fulfilling future. Each tool not only equips you to handle the ups and downs with more grace but also boosts your confidence, proving you can regain control over your emotions and your life. This sense of empowerment is deeply satisfying and a critical step in your journey of self-reclamation. If you are curious about building your personal mindset toolkit or adding new mindset tools to your existing collection, you can learn these tools and more here.

Move Your Body:

This activity can be whatever suits you best. Whether it's a daily walk, a yoga class, dancing in your kitchen, or training for a marathon—each one counts. The key is to find something that you can do every day to move your energy, release big emotions, and manage stress. Engaging in physical exercise not only increases your chances of keeping depression and anxiety at bay but also helps you enjoy much-needed sleep. If you need some motivation, pair your workout with something you love and that adds extra value to your life, like listening to a kick-ass playlist of uplifting songs, tuning into your favorite podcast, or inviting friends to join you on your walk. It's a great way to bolster support while boosting your endorphins.

Feed Yourself New Experiences:

In the wake of divorce, embracing novel experiences that were never shared with your ex can be particularly empowering. Delving into fresh interests or visiting new places alone allows you to build a personal narrative that's solely yours, untethered from past associations. This pursuit of the unfamiliar strengthens self-assurance, as each successful endeavor, no matter how small, reinforces your capability and independence. By actively seeking new experiences, you not only enrich your life with diversity and excitement but also bolster your confidence, proving to yourself that you can thrive on your own terms.

Guard Your Personal Resources:

During this challenging time, it's crucial to protect your personal resources: your time, your money, and your emotional energy. Avoid overextending yourself or spreading yourself too thin, as this can lead to burnout and further stress. Instead, focus on replenishing and nurturing yourself. Take time for self-care activities that recharge your batteries, whether it's spending time in nature, indulging in hobbies you love, or simply taking a quiet moment to breathe and relax. By safeguarding your personal resources, you're better equipped to begin designing a next chapter that you are excited to step into.

Lean into the Post-Divorce Growth Cycle: 

ReBranding Divorce has a game-changer for boosting your confidence: the Post-Divorce Growth Cycle. This practical framework is designed specifically to help you rebuild your self-worth and confidence after your divorce. By following this step-by-step process, you can bypass the overwhelming questions like "Where do I even start?" or "How can I possibly tackle everything at once?" Start today, and you'll find yourself gradually elevating every aspect of your life. Ready to learn how it works? Click here to get started.

Allow Your Divorce To Be A Confidence Boost: 

Embrace the fact that you've faced one of your worst fears and survived. Despite the challenges and heartache, you're still standing tall. This experience offers a unique opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to redefine yourself on your own terms. When everything falls away, and you're still standing, you realize the depth of your resilience and strength. It's a testament to your ability to overcome adversity and emerge even stronger than before.

Build Your Support Network: 

Divorcing is brutal. This is the moment to surround yourself with people who are rooting for you in every way possible. Your circle should be helping you dust yourself off and move forward into your next chapter.  Don't hesitate to lean on them for encouragement, advice, and a listening ear. What you absolutely don’t need right now are people (even well meaning people) holding you back.  You know the people that want to know “what happened” and mull over all the gory details. They are the ones that keep you in the energy of resentment, anger and revenge.  You do not have time for that! It cost too much in time, energy and emotional reserve to let that negativity in. Pay attention to your circle of support.  If you find yourself more depleted, angry, lonely or entrenched in the past after spending time with someone, put them on pause until you are in a stronger position.  You need genuine support and encouragement as you rebuild your life.  

Seek Professional Help if Needed: 

If you're struggling to rebuild confidence on your own, don't hesitate to seek support from the right therapist, counselor and/or supportive, structured community. They can provide guidance, tools, and strategies to help you navigate this journey with insight, hope and even excitement.

Remember, rebuilding confidence is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate every small victory along the way. You are stronger and more resilient than you realize, and you have the power to create a life filled with joy, purpose, and fulfillment after divorce.

As this chapter of your life unfolds, it's okay to feel both the excitement of the new and the nostalgia of the past. Remember, every day brings a chance to reinvent yourself and grow into the strength you’ve cultivated from your experiences. Use the tools and insights you’ve gathered to steer through challenges with grace and to embrace the joys that come with rediscovering yourself. You're not navigating this journey alone; a community of women shares your path, each with her own story of resilience and renewal. So, take heart, step forward with confidence, and craft a life rich with the things that matter most to you. Here’s to new beginnings and the promise they hold.

Additional Resources:

Confidence After Divorce Self-Paced Program: Dive deeper into rebuilding confidence after divorce with our self-paced program. It's packed with practical strategies, exercises, and guided meditations to empower you on your journey of self-discovery and growth. Learn More

Blog Post: Affirmations That Really Work: Explore the power of positive affirmations to support your journey of rebuilding confidence after divorce. Discover practical tips and empowering affirmations to boost self-esteem, resilience, and embrace new beginnings. Click here to read more.

Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life by Jamie Kern Lima guides readers through a personal journey aimed at dismantling self-doubt and cultivating a deep-seated belief in one's inherent worth. The book combines Kern Lima’s personal stories with practical advice, inspiring readers to embrace their uniqueness and confidently step into a life of fulfillment and authenticity.

These resources are here to support you as you reclaim your confidence, find inner strength, and create a life filled with joy and possibility after divorce.