Should I have a coach on my divorce team?

Whether you were the one who started the divorce process or your husband was the initiator - once the decision is made, you soon realize that your life is never going to be the same. 

It’s a scary time and no one does it perfectly. Release the idea that you have to do everything ‘right’. If you can do that, you will make the process much easier.

There will be so many questions over the next few weeks, months and years. And these questions will change over time. The questions below are broken down into the three phases you’ll move through: the start of the divorce process, the healing phase as you begin to reconnect to yourself and the rebuilding phase as you create your exciting next chapter.

THE STARTING PHASE: Questions as you begin the divorce process

"Can I really go through with this?" Doubts and fears may surface. This question reflects the uncertainty and emotional weight of the initial stages.

"Will my children be okay?"  If you’re a Mom, the well-being of your children is often a paramount concern as you try to make sure the divorce process has minimal negative impact on your kids.

"Why is this happening to me?" This simple question is full of pain, curiosity, anger and fear. It can feel like answering that question is the key to being able to move on. And that without an answer you will be stuck forever.

"What will my life look like post-divorce?" The looming unknowns of the future can be overwhelming. You may worry about the potential changes in lifestyle, relationships, and overall sense of identity.

"Who can I turn to for support?" Building a support system is vital during this challenging time. You will need emotional and practical input from friends, family, and professionals.

THE HEALING PHASE: Questions as you begin to figure out who you are now that you’re single

"Who am I now?"  Most women lose pieces of themselves when they get married and become a ‘couple’. One of the gifts of divorce is being able to reflect on your personal growth and dive into a deeper exploration of self-discovery and resilience.

"What do I want my new life to look like?" With the divorce finalized, your focus shifts to rebuilding. You begin to realize that you are responsible for creating a life you love.  

"How do I regain my financial independence?"  In your post-divorce life, financial stability becomes a priority. There might be a learning curve if you weren’t involved in the personal finances when you were married.

"How do I redefine my relationships, both platonic and romantic?"  You might not even know what a healthy relationship looks like. Learning how to answer this question will be key in your healing journey.

"What steps can I take to prioritize my mental and emotional well-being?" Learning to look inward and focusing on mental health becomes crucial. This question opens you to explore self-care practices, therapy, and other strategies for maintaining emotional balance.

THE REBUILDING PHASE: Questions as you get excited for what your next chapter can deliver

"What dreams and aspirations do I want to pursue now?"  As you reach a point of healing and empowerment, this question reflects the excitement and optimism about the future. It marks the transition from surviving to thriving, as you envision new possibilities and set the stage for a fulfilling life beyond the past.

"How can I continue to evolve and grow, both personally and professionally?" This forward-thinking question invites you to consider ongoing personal and professional development, recognizing that growth is a lifelong journey and you have limitless possibilities beyond the past.

"In what ways can I build and nurture a positive and supportive network around me?"  As you embrace your healed self, this question emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with positivity and support, fostering connections that uplift and contribute to your well-being and letting go of relationships that no longer align with the growth you’ve made.

"What boundaries and self-care practices will help me maintain a healthy and balanced life moving forward?"  Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is vital. This question emphasizes the importance of self-preservation and continued self-care in the ongoing journey of your life after divorce.

"How can I integrate the lessons from my past into a vision for my future?"  This forward-looking question encourages you to take all the knowledge and insights gained from your divorce experience and use them as stepping stones for creating a fulfilling and intentional future.

Only you know where you are on your journey - you might connect with questions from each of the three phases outlined above. Your journey is unique. But you don’t have to take this journey alone.

In fact, at this time in your life, you need support. The decisions you make during this period of your life will have a real (and long lasting) impact. And you probably aren’t in your sharpest mental or emotional state. Stress levels are high. Sleep is interrupted. Diet and exercise goals are often neglected. Your lawyer, friends and family all have opinions and advice, but how do you know what’s in your best interest?

That’s where a coach becomes an important member of your team. A coach not only ensures you get to the ‘other side’ of your divorce, but makes sure you get there in the healthiest way possible. A coach helps keep you and your children’s needs at the forefront of every decision you make. 

NOTE: If you are escaping a narcissistic marriage, the help of a coach is even more important. Being in a relationship with a narcissist leaves most women feeling unsure about their ability to make good decisions. Their confidence is shaken and their ability to recognize when they’re being gaslit is virtually non-existent. 

A coach helps you navigate all the phases of the Post Divorce Growth Cycle with less stress, more confidence and a higher probability of setting yourself up for an amazing next chapter.

Here is just a glimpse at why you need a coach for every phase of the divorce and your divorce recovery journey:

You need clarity
Divorce is emotionally charged, clouding your judgment and making it difficult to think clearly. A coach acts as your anchor, helping you gain clarity in the midst of the storm. By providing an objective perspective, they guide you through the emotional fog, ensuring that decisions are made with a clear mind and a focus on your best interests.

You are struggling to move on
Anger can be an unwelcome companion during divorce, hindering your ability to move forward. A coach provides a safe space to explore and process your anger. They equip you with coping mechanisms, helping you release pent-up emotions and navigate the path to healing.

You can’t make a decision
Decision-making can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when outcomes are uncertain. A coach helps you regain control by assisting in the decision-making process. They provide tools to evaluate options, weigh potential outcomes, and make decisions that align with your goals and values.

Dealing with money feels impossible
Many women find themselves in the dark about their financial situation. If that’s you, a coach helps you dig through any limiting beliefs that are keeping you from dealing with your money.

The future feels like a dark hole 
The post-divorce landscape can seem like uncharted territory, leaving you unsure about the road ahead. A coach assists in crafting a roadmap for your future. Together, you'll explore your goals, dreams, and aspirations, ensuring that the next chapter of your life is one of empowerment and fulfillment.

You and I both know that divorce is hard. On top of everything else you face, it can be a blow to your confidence, leaving you feeling defeated. Having a coach (especially a trained and certified coach who understands exactly what you’re going through) acts as your confidence coach, your money coach, your self-case coach and your identity coach.  They help you rediscover your strengths, celebrate your achievements, and rebuild your self-esteem. 

You will absolutely survive being divorced. You are not the only woman facing this new reality. Finding a coach and community that get you, will make the process smoother, quicker and way less stressful. With the support of the right coach, you become empowered to make the best decisions for you and your family. You can emerge from the divorce stronger and more self-assured.

If you are struggling to move forward, or just don’t want to take this journey alone, we invite you to schedule a free 15-minute call with Carolyn or Mimi. We are happy to share what resources we have available to meet you where you are right now in your divorce journey.